Author Topic: Bad Joke Friday  (Read 108445 times)

Offline georgian

  • Human
  • Posts: 2304
  • Sure, trust the govt...just ask a Native American!
  • Last Login:
    Yesterday at 10:39 am
Re: Bad Joke Friday
« Reply #1245 on: January 12, 2017, 11:41 am »
If you watched the play-off game, you will understand...

Offline Opti1

  • EAV Insiders
  • Human
  • Posts: 3000
  • Chick-In-Costume
  • Last Login:
    August 17, 2017, 12:05 pm
Re: Bad Joke Friday
« Reply #1246 on: January 13, 2017, 01:54 pm »
What's orange, and sounds like a parrot?








A carrot.
Sarcasm: the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.

Offline J. Grouchy

  • EAV Insiders
  • Human
  • Posts: 14338
  • Last Login:
    Yesterday at 07:01 pm
Re: Bad Joke Friday
« Reply #1247 on: May 01, 2017, 04:13 pm »
What does a nosy pepper do?




Gets jalapeño business.

Offline Go Sox!

  • EAV Insiders
  • Human
  • Posts: 19735
  • Spider Face
  • Last Login:
    January 10, 2018, 10:11 am
Re: Bad Joke Friday
« Reply #1248 on: May 15, 2017, 10:18 am »
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To go visit the Idiot.



Knock knock...
Who's there?
Chicken...
Hope your footing always stays in the road and you don't fall in the road!   -- Denise

Offline georgian

  • Human
  • Posts: 2304
  • Sure, trust the govt...just ask a Native American!
  • Last Login:
    Yesterday at 10:39 am
Re: Bad Joke Friday
« Reply #1249 on: June 03, 2017, 10:42 am »
Time to "Thin The Herd"

Offline georgian

  • Human
  • Posts: 2304
  • Sure, trust the govt...just ask a Native American!
  • Last Login:
    Yesterday at 10:39 am
Re: Bad Joke Friday
« Reply #1250 on: June 23, 2017, 08:02 am »
An old cowboy walks into a barbershop for a shave and a haircut.  He tells
the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled
from age.
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old
cowboy to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin. 
When he's finished, the old cowboy tells the barber that was the cleanest shave
he’d had in years, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he
had accidentally swallowed that little ball.
 
The barber replied “just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does”.

Offline hfranks

  • tosspot
  • EAV Insiders
  • Human
  • Posts: 15563
  • Last Login:
    May 17, 2018, 07:40 pm
Re: Bad Joke Friday
« Reply #1251 on: July 04, 2017, 12:22 pm »
I bought my friend an elephant for his room.

He said "Thanks."

I said "Don't mention it."
Explosive force does not vector that way, and never will be able to, even with crazy secret-squirrel .gov black ops alien technology. ~ ES

Offline georgian

  • Human
  • Posts: 2304
  • Sure, trust the govt...just ask a Native American!
  • Last Login:
    Yesterday at 10:39 am
Re: Bad Joke Friday
« Reply #1252 on: July 07, 2017, 08:54 am »
Now, that explains it!

Offline J. Grouchy

  • EAV Insiders
  • Human
  • Posts: 14338
  • Last Login:
    Yesterday at 07:01 pm
Re: Bad Joke Friday
« Reply #1253 on: July 31, 2017, 08:29 pm »
Why does the Norwegian Navy have barcodes on their ships?
So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.

Offline J. Grouchy

  • EAV Insiders
  • Human
  • Posts: 14338
  • Last Login:
    Yesterday at 07:01 pm
Re: Bad Joke Friday
« Reply #1254 on: August 01, 2017, 03:19 pm »

Offline georgian

  • Human
  • Posts: 2304
  • Sure, trust the govt...just ask a Native American!
  • Last Login:
    Yesterday at 10:39 am
Re: Bad Joke Friday
« Reply #1255 on: August 11, 2017, 05:25 pm »
MY LAST TRIP TO COSTCO

Yesterday I was at Costco buying a large bag of Purina Dog Chow for my dog, Necco, who weighs 192#.
I was in line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. Well, I am known for my smart mouth, so I told her that no, I did not have a dog, but was trying the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I had lost 50# before I awakened in the intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it is, essentially, a perfect diet and the way it works is you just load up your jacket pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you get hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.
(I have to mention that at this point everyone in line was enjoying the story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.
I told her, no, I stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me!
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard!
Well, you guessed it, I am now banned from the Morrow, GA Costco store!

Offline J. Grouchy

  • EAV Insiders
  • Human
  • Posts: 14338
  • Last Login:
    Yesterday at 07:01 pm
Re: Bad Joke Friday
« Reply #1256 on: October 05, 2017, 10:01 am »
I would tell a joke about Fibonacci, but it's as bad as the two previous jokes you heard combined.